About The Syndrome
Nice Guy Syndrome affects men all over the world
What’s wrong with being a Nice Guy?
A Nice Guy is a man who believes he is not okay, just as he is.
Due to both societal and familial conditioning, the Nice Guy is convinced he must become what he thinks others want him to be in order to be liked, loved, and get his needs met. He also believes that he must hide anything about himself that might trigger a negative response in others.
This inauthentic and chameleon-like approach to life causes Nice Guys to feel frustrated, confused, and resentful. Subsequently, these men are often anything but nice. In fact, Nice Guys are generally:
- Dishonest
- Secretive
- Manipulative
- Controlling
- Self-centered and narcissistic
- Passive-aggressive
Common Nice Guy patterns include giving to get, difficulty setting boundaries, caretaking, fixing, people pleasing, avoiding conflict, and co-creating unsatisfying relationships, as well as issues with sexuality, pornography, and compulsive masturbation.
The Nice Guy is often:
- The great listener whose female friends label him a “catch” but who never has a date on Saturday night.
- The husband who tries desperately to please his wife and whose marriage is emotionally and sexually unfulfilling.
- The reliable buddy who everyone turns to for favors and advice but whose own life is in shambles.
The paradigm of the Nice Guy Syndrome is driven by three faulty covert contracts:
- If I am good, then I will be liked and loved (and the women I want to have sex with will want to have sex with me).
- If I meet other people’s needs without them having to ask, then they will meet my needs without me having to ask.
- If I do everything right, then I will have a smooth, problem-free life.
These covert contracts create a roadmap for life that rarely results in the Nice Guy getting what he really wants. With a perceived lack of alternatives, he simply keeps doing more of what already isn’t working for him.
How to stop being a Nice Guy
Thankfully, there are answers. No More Mr. Nice Guy teaches men how to:
- Set boundaries and handle conflict
- Live with purpose and passion
- Release toxic shame
- Soothe anxiety
- Differentiate from fused emotional systems
- Connect with men and build a tribe
- Have satisfying relationships
- Experience great sex
- Live life on their terms
- Achieve success
- Live up their potential in work and career
This process allows the recovering Nice Guy let go of and move through:
- Depression
- People pleasing
- Social anxiety and shyness
- Low self-esteem
- Loneliness and hopelessness
- Feelings of failure
- Lack of confidence
- Lack of purpose
- Compulsive behaviors and addictions
- Feeling stuck in life
Contrary to what the title might seem to imply, No More Mr. Nice Guy does not teach men how to be not nice. In fact, it shows men how to become an Integrated Male.
What’s an Integrated Male?
Becoming integrated doesn’t mean becoming different or better. It means being able to accept all aspects of one’s self. An integrated male is able to embrace everything that makes him unique: his power, his assertiveness, his humor, his courage, and his mission, as well as his imperfections, his mistakes, his rough edges, and his dark side.
Recovery from the Nice Guy Syndrome is not about becoming a better man or getting rid of anything, it is about becoming more “you.”
Drawing from years of clinical experience working with thousands of Nice Guys, Dr. Glover presents a workable and effective model to help men overcome codependent patterns, become their best selves, and live their best lives.
If you are single and constantly end up in the friend zone, if you are married and frustrated by conflict or a lack of sex, or if you are rotting in middle management in the workplace, this book is for you.
If you are ready to get what you want in love, sex, and life, No More Mr. Nice Guy will show you how.