In the United States, Men make up 50% of the population and account for 80% of suicides. What is causing so many men to take their own lives? Why are so many men depressed?
And what exactly is depression?
According to the National Institute of Health: Depression (also known as major depression, major depressive disorder, or clinical depression) is a common but serious mood disorder. It causes severe symptoms that affect how a person feels, thinks, and handles daily activities, such as sleeping, eating, or working.
To be diagnosed with depression, the symptoms must be present for at least two weeks.
Here are three primary reasons I believe so many men are depressed:
1. Men may face stigma or judgment for expressing emotions.
Societal norms often pressure men to conform to traditional masculine ideals that discourage emotional vulnerability. This stigma can make men reluctant to express their emotions openly due to fears of being perceived as weak or less masculine.
Men don’t want to be labeled as weak. This causes men to internalize their feelings, leading to isolation and potentially worsening mental health issues like depression or anxiety.
“To Be a Man” is a powerful song that has close to 17 million views on YouTube. This song dives into the complexities of what it means to be a man.
The lyrics explore the pressures and expectations placed on men, urging them to confront vulnerability and express emotions. It highlights the struggle men often face in reconciling societal norms that demand strength and resilience while at the same time addressing the need for emotional connection and authenticity.
The Chorus states:
I can’t hide myself
I don’t expect you to understand
I just hope I can explain
What it’s like to be a man
It’s a lonely road
And they don’t care ’bout what you know
It’s not ’bout how you feel
But what you provide inside that home
Here are the lines that hit me the most:
Got so much weight that you’ve been holdin’
But won’t show any emotion, as a man, that goes unspoken
That we can’t cry when life gets hard
Unconditional love for women, children and dogs
We know that we just have to play our parts
And don’t nobody give a damn about our broken hearts, yeah
In an article by NYU Langone Health it states that half as many men report being depressed as women (about 1 in 16 men versus 1 in 8 women, according to the National Alliance of Mental Illness. That discrepancy may be because many men see the condition as a sign of emotional weakness, which makes them less likely to tell anyone, seek help, or be diagnosed and treated.
2. Men have difficulty recognizing symptoms of depression.
Depression can manifest differently in men than in women, leading to challenges in recognizing their own symptoms. Men might experience anger, irritability, or engage in risky behaviors rather than exhibiting typical signs of sadness associated with depression.
In an article by the Mayo Clinic it states that you may think that feeling sad or emotional is always the main symptom of depression. But for many men, that isn’t the primary symptom. For example depression can appear through headaches, digestive problems, tiredness, irritability, or long-term pain.
In an article by GoodRX.com it lists 12 common signs of depression in men which include quick frustration, hopelessness, sleep disturbances, low energy, loss of interest, risky behaviors, withdrawal, violent tendencies, physical symptoms, sexual dysfunction, weight changes, and suicidal thoughts.These manifestations often are much different from stereotypical symptoms and may go unnoticed or be misinterpreted.
3. Men are socially isolated.
Historically, men have been encouraged to exhibit stoicism, strength, and independence, often suppressing emotions and avoiding vulnerability. These societal expectations can lead to reluctance in seeking social connections or expressing emotional struggles, fostering a sense of isolation.
In “The Pandemic of Male Loneliness” by Psychology Today it states:
Men are taught to be self-sufficient and are raised to be more achievement-oriented. For men, relationships are relegated to a secondary benefit from shared activities like work, hobbies, and sports.
No wonder so many men are depressed.
Another article by CNN states many men have become disconnected from the societal institutions that have anchored dads to each other and our community. Historically, men have made long-term bonds through religious institutions and friendships at work. Our sense of worth derived from what we could provide our families.
Final Thoughts
It can be hard to make friends as a man, but we need to step away from our isolated lives and step back into our community.
The expectation of fatherhood should not be based on a paycheck and how many hours we work. Financial caregiving is certainly important, but so is the bond that we have with our children, our family and our community.
I started a men’s hiking group in Utah in 2021 and it was surprising to see how isolated men feel and how lonely that makes them. Getting on a mountain with a group of guys to talk through life’s struggles and challenges can be the best medicine.
Men sharpen other men. Men need a tribe to help them work through their biggest challenges.