Dr. Glover offers 12 rules for surviving a divorce (with your balls intact):
- You have to let go of any attachment to everything ending well – that attachment will bite you the ass.
- You need to lawyer up. Even if you think you don’t need to, you do. Even if you go to mediation, you still need an attorney to review everything before you sign.
- Do not do anything to make the process easy for your estranged wife. Don’t be an ass. Be fair, but don’t try and make it easy for her with the assumption that she will make it easy for you. The odds are high that the more you do for her, the more she will demand from you. Your wife has already shown how self-centered and untrustworthy she is. No covert contracts here on your part – no giving hoping to get.
- In general, women’s math skills go to hell when they go through a divorce. 50/50 takes on really odd proportions for them (especially after they start talking to their girlfriends and/or an attorney).
- Do not hide any assets and be completely honest and forthright.
- Lawyer up (I mean it).
- Don’t agree to anything without first running it by your lawyer and having him sign off on it.
- The state you live in will determine whether or not you will pay alimony. Your state is not at all concerned about what you think is fair. They also don’t care that you want to retire soon. They will assume that you will continue to have the same earning power you have had over the last five years and they will also assume that your ex should have the same standard of living to which she has become accustomed. Your state just wants to make sure that they don’t have a needy, dependent woman coming to them and the taxpayers for support. The state will always place that burden on the man who chose to marry the woman to make sure she doesn’t become a burden to the state, even if she cheated repeatedly on that man throughout that marriage. (Your state doesn’t care about that and neither will a judge).
- She will probably take 60-70% of what you have, but that’s okay, because right now she has access to 100% of what you have.
- Don’t go through this alone. Build a tribe of men to support you. Join a men’s group and get a coach or therapist.
- You’ll be fine. Every divorced man I’ve ever worked with was afraid of going through divorce. Ultimately, they were all glad that they did it and most said they waited way too long.
- Divorce can make a man bitter. That’s okay. Find a supportive place to have all of your feelings and keep having them until you are done having them. You will feel much better much sooner than you think.