I have fricking had it!

[revolverboy]

I am so tired of my stbx! Its always one thing or another. Right now its about money.

She isn't making any and I'm tapped out with every goddamn bill there is: 3 credit cards, mortage, life insurance, car insurance, cable/internet/home phone, cell phone, medical bills, food and gas, electric, oil. It never ends!

She isn't making a penny in real estate! Even if she is, I'm sure she is hiding it! She's told me that people are giving her 'contributions' so she can do things...like buy wine for herself.

I'm reading Sam Marguiles "Divorced for the Civilied Man". I'm losing my mind.

How do other guys deal with the stress involved? It is very difficult right now. And I know that people will say its going to get tougher and that I'll make it through.

The good news is that I just got off the phone with the credit card that we actively use. They are taking her off as an authorized user. Just this month, she's put $170 on that alone. She's put $80 in her car this week alone.

Yes, I'm having a VP!!!

Dammit!!!

[heftysmurf]

Take a deep breath. Her issues are her issues and now that your money train is about to end she will feel what is like not being with a great guy like you.

Unfortunately for many of our wives they dont know what they have lost till you are gone.

Tak her out of your mind space.

Find something old and break it.

What has personally helped me with Victim Pukes is at time they are necessary but with confines.

Take 15 minutes scream swear punch a wall but then live life. You can always be mad again 2morrow.

Stay strong brother.

[Engraver]

Take her out of your mind space.
Thanks for that tid bit! It's something I needed!!!

[IM2010]

I reckon you have a right to vent.

Stop allowing her to spend your money. In my mind this is a classic example of having to set some boundaries to protect yourself.

[Milo]

I agree, vent, then go for a long hard run to exorcise all that negative energy. Shut things down financialy, as you say she probably has other 'victims' helping her out already. She is not your problem - dont try and rescue her!

[chevy1947]

I took a 2 mile walk last night because I was so damned annoyed at wife speak and 1/2 truth I felt it better to just finish dinner, be polite and say I will be back in awhile I am going to a walk.

The issue that had me mad is not important because its the same type of thing, ask a question and if you say one word wrong the answer is totally different.

example: did you drive over to the store and get what you wanted the reply would be no but the real answer is yes because she walked but she will answer no.

its not a big deal but crazy making.

real point is the walk felt great and I slept well

[OffTheCuff]

No experience here, but you'd be surprised what you can go without.

TV? Cancel it, or go to basic cable. Mine's $8.
Land line? Extraneous, with your cell phone.
Car insurance? Drop collision if the cars aren't new.
Electric bill? Get rid of, or disable, the air conditioner.

...and so on.

But I would say, all that is just water in the boat. You can bail as much as you want, but there's still a freaking hole in the boat! Good work on removing her from your cards. Just because you have joint accounts doesn't mean you have to put money into it - be it bank account or credit card. You may need to create new accounts that are yours alone, and fund them differently.

Man up. You have a say over your own income until the courts take it away from you.

[Better Days]

Originally Posted by OffTheCuff

No experience here, but you'd be surprised what you can go without.

TV? Cancel it, or go to basic cable. Mine's $8.
Land line? Extraneous, with your cell phone.
Car insurance? Drop collision if the cars aren't new.
Electric bill? Get rid of, or disable, the air conditioner.

...and so on.

But I would say, all that is just water in the boat. You can bail as much as you want, but there's still a freaking hole in the boat! Good work on removing her from your cards. Just because you have joint accounts doesn't mean you have to put money into it - be it bank account or credit card. You may need to create new accounts that are yours alone, and fund them differently.

Man up. You have a say over your own income until the courts take it away from you.

True that. Set up your own finances now, as you are no longer a cooperative unit with her.

I'd be wary of joint accounts with overdraft too. Shut those down or get the overdraft removed. Any ability for her to spend money that you could wind up being responsible for needs to be removed.

Let her dwell in the reality of life without your wallet.

[revolverboy]

Thanks, guys!

I like
"Take her out of your mind space.

Find something old and break it." the most!!

I do want to find something and break it. Those are geat tips!!!

I was really just in a bad way yesterday with this money stuff. I will make it through this. I will be a better MAN because of it.

I am a religious guy. I do believe that The Big Man has a plan for me. And as much as hate it right now, I am sure that this will bring me closer to what I need to be in the end. I wonder why 'we' have to go through the tough times, but I know that making it through them is part of the reward.

Thanks, Men!! I appreciate you being here for me.!

rb

[revolverboy]

PS

I got a call from a guy at the bank today. He told me that the overdraft fee was canceled or returned or whatever. So that money is going to be coming back. Its not going to chage anything in the long run, but it will be coming back to the account instead of the bank.

I also like the line about letting her dwell in the reality of life without my wallet.

I've told some people that she is divorcing me but wants to stay maried to my paycheck. The only thing I'd like to give her is the finger!

[btr]

You can handle it
For my the worst part was the aniexty around how things were going to turn out

Good for you for setting boundaries--no more treasurers for her..She doesn't get money, your feelings nothing cut her ass off!

[Dadtoall]

From a practical perspective, it seems that it's in your best interest to have a complete accounting of her income. You've already stopped her charging stuff to your name, but (at least in my state) the difference in your respective incomes forms the basis for support orders.

So, even though your wife is off your accounts, you are still getting screwed if she's hiding income. If this were me, I would ask my attorney about getting subpeonas for financial records (a money search, essentially).

[Milo]

I can relate here, I am also anxious as to how things are ging to turn out - but the one thing I am certain of is I DONT WANT HER BACK - PERIOD!
I am alsodealing with her financial issues, however once the divorce is finalised she gets what she gets and sh can fuck right off!

Revolverboy, if you are going to break something, make sure its something attached to her in someway.

[revolverboy]

Here's the deal about money. Every 2 weeks I get paid. Every 2 weeks I write a check for a few hundred bucks from my account and deposit the cash into the joint account. The money is for the 'household expenses'. I then go out and buy groceries with it. She uses it for gas in her car. I do music lessons one afternoon a week (read: like $50 a week). That money ususally goes into my tank or for dinner on Fridays-frozen pizzas.

She has complained that I put the money in the joint account and them go spend it. I'm spending it on food! Its not like I'm spending it on stuff for me or on things we don't need. I'm not buying clothes. I'm buying food. Then she'll complain that I'm getting food she doesn't like.

Again, its a situation where I can't win. And I'm tired of it.

Milo, I like the thought of breaking something attached to her.

[chevy1947]

revolver:

at this moment in your relationship it is anything you do or she does that will trigger this response. You provide / bills are paid and both of you have a little spending money.

Truthful that's as good as it gets when you consider what you are going thru.

Tell her that she is complaining to complain and she has money to spend, if she does not like frozen pizza ask her what would she prefer as a suggestion.

Its way beyond frozen pizza its something that needs to addressed in the relationship and I know that is difficult.