I have fricking had it!

[Dadtoall]

Originally Posted by revolverboy

Here's the deal about money. Every 2 weeks I get paid. Every 2 weeks I write a check for a few hundred bucks from my account and deposit the cash into the joint account. The money is for the 'household expenses'. I then go out and buy groceries with it. She uses it for gas in her car. I do music lessons one afternoon a week (read: like $50 a week). That money ususally goes into my tank or for dinner on Fridays-frozen pizzas.

She has complained that I put the money in the joint account and them go spend it. I'm spending it on food! Its not like I'm spending it on stuff for me or on things we don't need. I'm not buying clothes. I'm buying food. Then she'll complain that I'm getting food she doesn't like.

Again, its a situation where I can't win. And I'm tired of it.

You've hit the nail on the head. You can't win - if she has her way and gets you to buckle.

You're dealing with an old fashioned entitlement mindset. To your stbx this isn't working together for the common good. This is a zero-sum game where it's understood that her benefit comes directly at your cost. All you can refuse to do is play along. Keep records of what both of you put in and take out. Be open to reasonable suggestions, but ultimately if she wants more then tell her to get a real job.

[OffTheCuff]

Originally Posted by revolverboy

Here's the deal about money. Every 2 weeks I get paid. Every 2 weeks I write a check for a few hundred bucks from my account and deposit the cash into the joint account. The money is for the 'household expenses'. I then go out and buy groceries with it. She uses it for gas in her car. I do music lessons one afternoon a week (read: like $50 a week). That money ususally goes into my tank or for dinner on Fridays-frozen pizzas.

This seems reasonable and proper to me.

Originally Posted by revolverboy

She has complained that I put the money in the joint account and them go spend it. I'm spending it on food! Its not like I'm spending it on stuff for me or on things we don't need. I'm not buying clothes. I'm buying food. Then she'll complain that I'm getting food she doesn't like.

If she complains about what you buy, the proper answer is "if you can do better, you do the shopping".

I've complained to my wife in the past about the seemingly infinite rise in grocery prices. And she has challenged me like that - but I always have been willing to shop, cook, and feed this kids. I know how hungry the kids are! (Post NMMMG, I've been a lot clearer about how I want to budget things, so we fight a lot less.)

But as others mentioned it, her complaints are probably not about what they are about. This complaint is probably a proxy issue for something else.

[ubermacht003]

Imagine how Liberated you'll feel
When you're over this

This is one of the challenges
You can't afford not to
Win

As
I've always said
A man's greatest revelation
Is
When he finally realizes
He can get along very
eXcellently
Without a
Woman

Ya need one buy one as you
Require them
One evening here and there

Women are Great
Just don't take one
Home

[Haywood]

Originally Posted by OffTheCuff

But as others mentioned it, her complaints are probably not about what they are about. This complaint is probably a proxy issue for something else.

Yeah, they have been married...unlikely that he doesn't know what she wants for groceries. She's got a different angle.

[Porscheguy]

I'm missing something here. Are you getting a divorce?

I'd also like to know about these "contributions" she's receiving from others.