Yet Another No Porn Thread

[BubbaHeat]

Originally Posted by Lucretius

On a side note, I read a lot about guys doing this moratorium (on another website that was linked here) having women come up and ask them out because they have more 'sexual magnetism' or something. When exactly does this happen? :P The women in my town don't talk to anyone they don't know. And when I try to strike up a conversation most of them clam up and make it awkward as all hell.

I think it's a mindset. When you go cold turkey you start really looking at women as potential partners as opposed to eye candy. I think it becomes apparent in your attitude that you are on the prowl. Women react to it.

[RayW]

Originally Posted by Lucretius

...But it stills seems like willpower alone is the cause behind getting over the addiction.

I respectfully disagree. Was willpower the answer to work on your NG issues? Can an alcoholic or crack addict recover on willpower alone? Not busting your balls or anything, but how did "willpower" work out for you this last time around? You eventually cracked, right? So, your fix is to "just try harder"????

Hmmmm.... that phrase - "if I only try harder..." seems familiar.... now where have I heard that before?

[Lucretius]

Well yeah, willpower was behind me working on my NG issues. I really don't see what other options there are. Willpower --> doing something --> replacing bad habits with good ones --> repeat --> IM time. At the very base of it, I have to want something bad enough to push myself to do it; and that push is nothing but willpower. Sure it leads to other things (like eventually success) but the whole process branches like a tree; and what's a tree with no trunk!?

[Brett G]

I think there's more to it than willpower... But that's what I'm running on at the moment. For example it's hard to get out of bed and go to work on just willpower alone (even if you really like your job it may not always be great). But, you might if you know that 6 months of working means that holiday that you really wanted. Even then that's still a superficial motivator that relies on getting some external thing. Then there's another level where it's more internal your values/principals and who you want to be as a person in the world.

I'm not sure if this is totally correct but you get the idea.

[Lucretius]

Isn't that still willpower? The desire for future goals outweighing present desire? I mean, the only reason I am doing this is because I am told that at some unspecified date far off in the future I will have a healthy sex life and actually attract women. I have to want that bad enough to overcome the urge to go watch some porn right now. And that all boils down to willpower.

For instance, these last few days, I have failed everyday, might even say I've gone overboard to play "catch up". Why? I have yet to convince myself that having a relationship is worth it. If I can convince myself in my mind that future benefits truly do "outweight" present discomfort, I will do it. For instance, I'm currently studying probability theory on my own sweet time during the summer, just so I can pass an actuarial exam to jumpstart my career. Why? Because starting salary of $60,000/yr sounds nice, and so do all the material goods that I can buy with that money. More so than the discomfort of investing an hour a day studying math on my own.

With the porn, I'm just not seeing it. The only thing I really liked about not looking at it was I felt more self-consistent. That is, when I went home I didn't have my secret porn life. Other than that, nothing was really running through my mind that said "hey you know, if you keep doing this things will get better in the following ways".

[Lucretius]

Alright, well I installed that K9 software. Had to tweak the settings a bit because it was blocking every site known to man (youtube for instance), but it seems to be working. I guess it's time to start again. The plan I think will be a little different this time around.

It seems like a lot of people are doing this moratorium so that they can have a "good dating life" in the future. I want my goal to be me not wanting a good dating life, not caring if I ever meet a woman. I stress over it so much and it just brings me down. I am just finding myself growing incredibly bitter. Some friends were over tonight, both with their girlfriends, and I felt jealous of them! It is truly ridiculous. I don't like feeling this way. I went to club downtown with my friend last night, and I really had no desire to interact with any woman there. I find myself sinking back into the "how the hell does X get the girl when I'm 10x the man he is" thought process. Pity party bullshit and all.

I think what I am going to do is work on "healthy" masturbation. Without fantasy, without the porn. This way, no women are involved. I think I would get the self-consistency I got when I went cold turkey, and I don't think I'd be biting off more than I can chew doing things this way. I am tired of feeling like I am "missing out" on some "key piece" of life by not having a girlfriend or female interaction. When I am alone, I want to be just that. Alone, but not lonely. It's just seemed like the unattainable for so long, I would hope it is possible!

[BubbaHeat]

Originally Posted by Lucretius

With the porn, I'm just not seeing it. The only thing I really liked about not looking at it was I felt more self-consistent. That is, when I went home I didn't have my secret porn life. Other than that, nothing was really running through my mind that said "hey you know, if you keep doing this things will get better in the following ways".

Hey Luc,
Keep it up. It is worth it. If it wasn't you wouldn't be having a pity party over your buddies girlfriends. This is different for everybody. As a married man I can't really relate to how this would work for a single guy. But for me, ditching the porn just made me feel like a better person and made me more avialble emotionally to my wife. It used to be that if I didn't get the sex I wanted I would sulk off and "reward" myeslf with a porn binge. That's just not healthy. Now if I don't get what I want, I go for it, or we talk about it which is how communication should work in a relationship. Long tem the porn will get in the way of having healthy sex with a woman. Keep working at it, use healthy masturbation and believe that it is worth it. It isn't magic, you won't become a chick magnet over night, but long term you'll be a better man to yourself and the woman you choose to be with and that is the point of the exercise.