Any Girls W/O Personal Baggage?

[Franchise]

I'm here to admit something! I am a Captain Save-A-Ho! You might have seen me around. I'm the guy who always try to save the girl with the worst luck in the world.

You know, the guy who wants to hook up with the single mother who's getting over a bad relationship. Or...what about the girl who is so paranoid, she can't be alone by herself for even one second. We think that it's love, but in reality, it just trying to fill the void.

I have been in this type of cycle all my life. A girl walks in that sounds too good to be true, and turns out, she is! You think she could possibly turn into the girl that you want her to be, but instead, she doesn't and it leaves you hurt and sad.

Through starting to read this book, I'm starting to come out the funk, but I fear that I will fall back into the same cycle.

I told a female friend that I would want to find a girl who doesn't have any emotional baggage. In return, she said that then you're probably never going to find a girl. It's true that all girls (and guys in general) have emotional baggage.

I guess what I'm asking is how do I pursue the girls that I want. Is it more of a waiting game, waiting for a girl who can take me for me, or should i be activately looking for a girl that fits me, but no girl that I try to find approval in?

Help me out!

[BubbaHeat]

Everybody has baggage, guys and girls. The question is who's going to carry it?

Functional people carry their own baggage, they don't expect others to do it for them. Nice Guys are like baggage handlers at he airport. We expect sex as a tip. It's a shitty job. What you want is to travel through life carrying your bags while your partner carries her own. Occasionally you help each other when things get to heavy but for the most part you lug your own shit.
So, you should rephrase what you are looking for. What you want is a woman who has control of her baggage.
This is not a waiting game. You have to pursue what you want, nobody is going to do it for you. Keep looking. Don't wait for a girl that "can take me for me", find a girl that loves you for you. It's all out there. The world is a place of abundance, but it isn't always easy. Get out there and make it happen.

[Franchise]

Man, for me it's easy to say than do. I'm not in the right type of enviroment to find a girlfriend. I'm living at home with my parents and my job doesn't fully pay the bills

I got a sweet internship thing going on, but i want to find a job that will help me out in the future.

I've told myself I'm not going to give up on myself or on dating. I know that I WILL find the girl for me. I just don't know when or where!

I usually have fits of confidence. Somedays i'll have all the confidence in the world and then some days, I'll just be down. I want a girl to love me for who I am, but I'm tired of being the guy who gets messed over!

I need some tips man! I want to be a better guy, not a nice guy! Where should I start improving myself?

[Derec]

Do all the breaking free's at first to get a solid ground to stand on and after that you could try to meet and date different kind of women.

RufWarrior could give you some good advice and check also out Brohamb's dating log to get a grip on what will come after the BF's.

[Franchise]

Originally Posted by Derec

Do all the breaking free's at first to get a solid ground to stand on and after that you could try to meet and date different kind of women.

RufWarrior could give you some good advice and check also out Brohamb's dating log to get a grip on what will come after the BF's.

Thanks man! I really like what you said. This is a slightly painful look at myself and looking at what I need to do to be a better person.

[Peppers]

I know what you mean by this being painful. I bought this book still thinking that everyone else was faulted and NOT me. I just wanted help picking up girls. Then, as I was reading I found a great many faults in myself. It was kinda hurtful. Now that I have been turned on to these faults, it is my duty to do what I can to help myself!

[RufWarrior]

Originally Posted by Franchise

I'm here to admit something! I am a Captain Save-A-Ho! You might have seen me around. I'm the guy who always try to save the girl with the worst luck in the world.

You know, the guy who wants to hook up with the single mother who's getting over a bad relationship. Or...what about the girl who is so paranoid, she can't be alone by herself for even one second. We think that it's love, but in reality, it just trying to fill the void.

I have been in this type of cycle all my life. A girl walks in that sounds too good to be true, and turns out, she is! You think she could possibly turn into the girl that you want her to be, but instead, she doesn't and it leaves you hurt and sad.

Through starting to read this book, I'm starting to come out the funk, but I fear that I will fall back into the same cycle.

I told a female friend that I would want to find a girl who doesn't have any emotional baggage. In return, she said that then you're probably never going to find a girl. It's true that all girls (and guys in general) have emotional baggage.

I guess what I'm asking is how do I pursue the girls that I want. Is it more of a waiting game, waiting for a girl who can take me for me, or should i be activately looking for a girl that fits me, but no girl that I try to find approval in?

Help me out!

Originally Posted by Derec

Do all the breaking free's at first to get a solid ground to stand on and after that you could try to meet and date different kind of women.

RufWarrior could give you some good advice and check also out Brohamb's dating log to get a grip on what will come after the BF's.

Here's the thing Franchise, we attract people of similar mental health as us. Rather than describe this women as having baggage, I'd prefer to say, women who have not cleaned out their baggage. You are attracting women who have not cleaned out their baggage because you, yourself, have not cleaned out your baggage.

So first you need to clean our your own baggage. I believe your desire to get woman's attention, and chase, is not motivated by love, but rather, a way to medicate the toxic shame within you. We need to clean that up first. I'm glad you started the breaking free-s as a start in that direction. And during this time, you really need to avoid women, while meeting more men. From there, you have to learn how to be a man and be assertive, set boundaries, and be a good ender, so you can enjoy a woman apart from her baggage, let her baggage be her baggage, and assist her only when needed. You then have to learn how to meet lots of women, about character, about what you like and don't like, and the right place of sexuality. This is a long process.

I recommend looking at the plan I wrote for Terminator, in his breaking free. You'll probably need to follow that one. You may want to consider getting the audio version of John Bradshaw's Homecoming (http://www.audible.com/adbl/site/ent...BK_BANT_000183). It will help a lot with the toxic shame you have inside of you.

Once you set a foundation, you will find that attracting and keeping women will get much easier.

I forgot to ask, do you have an issue with pornography / fantasy masturbation? If so, read my thread on this topic: http://www.nomoremrniceguy.com/forum...ad.php?t=14677 then download K-9 blocker (you can use me as a safe person for the password), and do the rubber band thing and throw out all your porn. That, alone, will imede your future love life.

How old are you?

So

[Ducky]

Iv just finished reading the Doc's book and one thing really struck home with me that may well be relevant to others here.
I too have wanted a relationship with a girl who doesnt have to much baggage and havn't yet found it, but the book made me realise why. I have always carried my own baggage so I all was ever going to find was a girl with baggage. I will always find myself in relationships with girls as messed up as me. So therefore to get the relationship I want I have to get rid of my own baggage.
I am feeling really posative that the breaking free exercises and my support network and this form will enable me to make the changes I want for myself, dump my baggage and get the life I want. It will be a long process I am sure, but the process will make me stronger and happier than ever before.

[RayW]

As per usual, Ruf is spot on. Knowing what I know now, here's what I would suggest to you.

1) Forget about women for a while... like at least 6 months. dont date, dont sleep with anybody, dont even give yourself the option. You gotta address your own stuff before you jump back into dating.

2) Read the book AT LEAST TWICE - I think I've read it probably 4 or 5 times now.

3) You MUST do some sort of work to clean out your baggage. The BFEs are an excellent way to do this. However, for me, they never resonated. I chose to seek a bit of therapy instead which I think did the same thing as the BFEs.

4) Post questions, read, and get "calibrated" here on the boards.

5) Develop your "guy" friendships

6) Read (with caution, and a critical eye) the wealth of "pickup" information available on podcasts and the internet. I HIGHLY recommend "The New Man Podcast" and "The Pickup Podcast". - some of this stuff is just crap - some of it is gold and ties in nicely to what we're doing here.

[Doop]

I believe your desire to get woman's attention, and chase, is not motivated by love, but rather, a way to medicate the toxic shame within you

I definitely see this in my porn habits. If X insanely hot/ideal guy is looking at me out of the picture, or inviting me, then I must be hot too? Not sure, but it's somewhere around here.

And during this time, you really need to avoid women, while meeting more men.

If you're bi, would you just modify this so the men/women you do meet are in a strictly platonic relationship with you?

I forgot to ask, do you have an issue with pornography / fantasy masturbation? If so, read my thread on this topic: http://pubs.acs.org/cen/coverstory/83/8345emp6.html, then download K-9 blocker (you can use me as a safe person for the password), and do the rubber band thing and throw out all your porn. That, alone, will imede your future love life.

That link leads to a chemical engineering article. Is your thread easy to find?

[RufWarrior]

Link has been corrected - please edit the incorrect one out of your post.

[Crushtor]

Just have to post a thought I had the other day - "Show me a girl without baggage and I'll show you a dog with two dicks."